RAITO: The Owner's Guide and Maintanence Manual
by taxiphobia
Summary: Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of your very own RAITO unit. To make sure you receive the full benefits from your super hottie of a genius, it is suggested that you read the following information thoroughly.


**Before You Read**: The following format belongs to _Theresa Green's _LOTR fic. It's not mine…Death Note isn't mine…I own nothing but my L plushie.

**RAITO: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual  
The Care and Keeping of the World's Most Heartless Murderer**

**Congratulations! **You are now the proud owner of your very own YAGAMI RAITO unit. With a little help from this manual, you'll have no trouble turning the little pretty boy into god of the world. Each section of this user guide has been organized for your convenience and ease, with FAQ and Troubleshooting located at the bottom. It is suggested you read the following information thoroughly, _especially_ if you value your life.

**Technical Specifications:**

Name: Yagami Raito (A.K.A. Kira; The Second L. Will also respond to,"RAITO-KUUUUN!!!" and "GOD!!!")

Birth date: February 28, 1986 (differs from Date of Manufacture)

Lifespan (when first activated): 93912639

Height: 179cm (roughly 5'9)

Weight: 54 kg (119 lbs)

Length: Classified Information—sets world records

Date of Manufacture: Classified Information

Place of Manufacture: Yagami's Little Rubber Accident Inc., Death Note Corp.

Note: Your YAGAMI RAITO unit, like all other Death Note Corp. units, will grow to maturity once activated, or until the invisible numbers above its head run out. To program an age limit, please contact one of our certified retailers. If you wish to be a lifesaver and prevent your RAITO unit's death, purchase a RYUK unit from Super Scary Shinigami Inc. and make an eye trade. (Warning: Shinigami eyes cost half your lifespan)

**Your YAGAMI RAITO Unit Comes with the Following Accessories: **

Daikoku Private Academy Boy's Uniform Value Pack (includes blazer, tie, collared-shirt, pants, and uniform shoes)

Underwear

Belt (many uses)

Watch

Cell phone

Death Note (x1)

When first opening the box, it is suggested you snatch the Death Note before activation, or your YAGAMI RAITO unit will never enter KIRA mode (see Modes). It is essential this mode be unlocked by RAITO and RAITO alone. Reports of Out of Character YAGAMI RAITO units are the results. Also, have a bag of barbecue-flavored potato chips handy to satisfy your hungry unit with.

**Programming:**

Your YAGAMI RAITO unit comes with a vast number of functions. Below are just a few of the jobs it is compatible with:

Japanese Police Force (Intelligence Department): If you remember correctly, your RAITO unit did graduate as the number one in all Japan. Use this information to make its dream come true, and encourage its working in the Force. While still sane, YAGAMI RAITO units generally thank their owners with a kiss.

Classroom Helper: With its intelligence and cuteness, your YAGAMI RAITO unit will have no trouble memorizing the answers of your nerdiest neighbor, so you'll never have to do class work, homework—heck, who needs to study when you've got a YAGAMI RAITO unit!

Bait: Crazy, lusty, child molesters running amok in your neighborhood? Tie your YAGAMI RAITO unit up in a chair and watch as it attracts those guys like a super magnet! Fear not, for after those criminals have arrived, your RAITO unit will promptly and painfully beat those guys to a bloody pulp, all in the name of justice!

Main Attraction: Planning a party with the hottest 'it' girls around, but fear they might not be coming? Just put on the invitation that THE YAGAMI RAITO will be there, and those chicks will be spraying each other with their own pepper spray to get to the heartthrob.

**Your YAGAMI RAITO Unit Will Come in the Following Modes:**

Righteously Determined (Default)

Badass

Clinically Insane/Maniac

KIRA (locked)

Too Smart for His Own Good (locked)

Out of Character-OOC/ Slash (locked)

Please note that your YAGAMI RAITO's default mode, Righteously Determined, stems from his constant need for justice. RAITO units will not hesitate to scribble down a criminal's name in their little black notebooks (see KIRA mode). Your YAGAMI RAITO unit may even feel the need to kill those standing in its way. For this reason, we recommend you become a devout KIRA-worshiper as soon as possible.

The stage of indifference where YAGAMI RAITO units kill without batting an eye is known as its Badass Mode. This mode is not programmed to last very long, as several owners have complained of it leading to their YAGAMI RAITO's more unsightly modes…

If your YAGAMI RAITO unit has recently lost a battle with an L unit and seems to have no easy way out of the predicament, it will enter Clinically Insane/Maniac Mode. Repetitive usage of the Badass Mode will also result in this. In Clinically Insane/Maniac Mode, your YAGAMI RAITO will creepily laugh nonstop with his own hanging open. The laughter can last anywhere between half and hour to days. Also known as short spasms, this is considered a glitch in the programming.

If the instructions on the Death Note are read and followed by a RYUK unit, YAGAMI RAITO's possession and writing in the Death Note unlocks the very important KIRA mode. Its enemies will then refer to it as a KIRA unit. RAITO will also realize his true mission: to bring justice to the world and rule as a psychotic god. Owners are free to use the Death Note for their personal use at no extra charge.

RAITO's death is practically inevitable after a face-to-face meeting with a NEAR unit (see Relations). Too Smart for His Own Good Mode will be unlocked, in which a RAITO unit makes the mistakes that cost it its life. Having no way out, RAITO will beg a RYUK unit for help. Warning: This _will_ result in YAGAMI RAITO's death. There is _no_ way out.

Another locked mode is YAGAMI RAITO's Out of Character (OOC)/ Slash Mode. An L unit can unlock both easily, more so when the two are chained together. OOC for each YAGAMI RAITO unit varies upon its daily tasks and wants. The most common OOC action performed by RAITO units is streaking (which is quite enjoyable to the eye) and singing opera.

Slash mode is Out of Character as well, but pertains to your YAGAMI RAITO unit's sexual desires, which are almost always towards L. Have fun watching two equally sexy—in their own special way—men/units screw each other for the rest of their slash-filled days.

**Relations With Other Units:**

RYUK: The Shinigami unit RYUK is neither friend nor foe to RAITO; however, its Death Note creates a bond between the two that lasts for years. RYUK units like only one thing: apples (the red ones). Without RYUK and its dropping of the Death Note, RAITO would have stayed the same, bored, innocent guy he was before KIRA.

L: RAITO's most important and enjoyable to watch mode (see above) would remain unlocked if not for this genius of an insomniac. L and YAGAMI RAITO units share an interesting bond, one that can only be described as the following: challenges, rivalry, love-hate, friendship, and ultimately, lust. They also share the common genius abilities. Fostering a friendship between the two is essential in keeping your L unit alive and the yaoi activities.

AMANE MISA: The 'girlfriend' and fiancé unit of YAGAMI RAITO, this blonde celebrity will follow your little playboy around, generally bothering him with constant offers of dates. At times, RAITO may succumb to MISA's pleas, and actually go out on a date or two. Interaction with an AMANE MISA unit is not recommended if you also own an L unit.

NEAR: NEAR is first in line to be the next L, and is half of the L'S HEIRS DUO VALUE PACK. It is highly recommended that you do not expose your YAGAMI RAITO units to a NEAR unit in any circumstances, as exposure will lead to your RAITO unit's ass being thoroughly wiped—figuratively speaking—requiring a complete refurbishing of the RAITO unit.

MELLO: (Note: Though he is very pretty, it is critical to realize that a MELLO unit is male, so don't try to dress him up in little dresses.) Second in line and the _second_ half of the L'S HEIRS DUO VALUE PACK, MELLO is used to the title of second to NEAR, and will do anything to win. That being said, once the NEAR and MELLO units join forces against your YAGAMI RAITO unit, it's all over.

KIYOMI TAKADA: Your YAGAMI RAITO unit's girlfriend in college and link to MIKAMI TERU. TAKADA and MISA units will, upon seeing each other, engage in a nasty catfight over custody of YAGAMI RAITO. Shortly after being appointed KIRA's spokesperson, a MELLO unit will kidnap TAKADA.

MIKAMI TERU: Also known as X KIRA, MIKAMI TERU units are loyal servants of KIRA, and are willing to do anything to bring justice to the world. If left alone with YAGAMI RAITO units, TERU units will usually molest, harass, and pet your RAITO until it goes completely nuts and enters Clinically Insane/Maniac Mode. The two are exceptional psychotic laughing partners.

**Cleaning:**

It is absolutely, completely necessary to bathe your YAGAMI RAITO unit as often as possible. Though the unit is fully capable of cleaning and grooming itself, and has done very well so far, it is a good idea to have random strip searches…just in case your YAGAMI RAITO does something bad. They can be very sneaky.

Warning: YAGAMI RAITO units and its manufactures are not responsible for any marital disputes caused by bathing a YAGAMI RAITO unit.

**Feeding and Rest:**

Your YAGAMI RAITO unit should be properly fed at least three meals a day, and enjoys a wide variety of foods. RAITO units are not picky eaters, though they enjoy the occasional barbeque potato chips. Your YAGAMI RAITO should also get a full night's rest whenever possible, due to the draining effect of its constant emphasis on purifying the world and bringing justice.

**Disposal:**

Unfortunately, you may grow tired of your YAGAMI RAITO's maniacal laughter and distorted face, causing you to wish to dispose of it. This can be done easily by selling or giving the unit away to L, AMANE MISA, MIKAMI TERU, or KIYOMI TAKADA, though L is the safest bet. Or, you can obtain a NEAR unit and put the two together alone in a closet full of toys.

**Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): **

Question: I've been finding Criminals records around the house and News reports taped on the walls, what's going on? _– Hao is Hot_

Answer: Your RATIO units KIRA mode has been activated. If you have a criminal record or a family member with a criminal record it is suggested you shut down your RATIO unit immediately. This also may be a result of a lack of a computer in the house.

Q: MISA/MIKAMI/TAKADA unit(s) is/are stalking and/or threatening me with the wrath of another KIRA unit. Help? _–Passe on an Angel_

A: AMANE MISA, KIYOMI TAKADA, and MIKAMI TERU units can be a little too possessive over the ownership of YAGAMI RAITO. As long as they do not know your name and/or haven't seen your face and RAITO loves _you_, you'll be perfectly save. For this reason, in the future and while with your RAITO unit, it is a good idea to _run away_ once you see any one of the three.

Q: My YAGAMI RAITO laughs maniacally in the weirdest of moments (i.e. when I was giving him a bath, while watching The Grudge). Is it broken?

A: No, no, your RAITO is just in its Clinically Insane/Maniacal Mode, a glitch in the programming (see Modes). It also could have caught a nasty laughing virus from a MIKAMI TERU unit.

Q: How much do Death Note Corp. units generally cost? _–Several pennames_

A: Depending on the model, Death Note Corp. units cost anywhere between one to one million dollars. Recently, there has been a high demand and in result, lower prices. Death Note Corp. units can be bought easily but at higher prices on E-bay. I don't see how this question pertains to YAGAMI RAITO, though.

Q: There's a mob of people outside by house bearing pitchforks and torches. What's going on?

A: They're most likely anti-Kira people, led by NEAR. An easy way out would be inviting a AMANE MISA unit over and have it read each of their names for your RAITO to write in the Death Note. _Or_, you can have your AMANE MISA lead the pervs away by running naked across the street.

**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: I purchased an L unit to unlock my YAGAMI RAITO's OOC/Slash Mode, but nothing happens when I put them together.

Solution: Have your YAGAMI RAITO unit enter KIRA mode first, resulting in the two being chained together (see Modes).

Problem: Excessively paranoid KIRA unit, though no L units are present. _–Passe on an Angel_

Solution: A NEAR unit is present. Get your RAITO unit as far away from the area as possible.

Problem: I asked for a gorgeous genius, and instead I got an ugly, creepy, freakish-looking, sugar high creature with huge bags under its eyes. _–L is for Lissa_

Solution: Next time, be more specific that you wanted a YAGAMI RAITO unit. You have instead received an L unit, who, with proper care, can be just as much fun as a YAGAMI RAITO unit.

**Final Note:**

With proper, loving care, your YAGAMI RAITO unit will grow to be a fantastic god of the world who can really show off his tush on the catwalk. In the end, after RAITO manages to kill all his enemies, it may develop a taste for lots of hots, wild sex with L units _and_ MISA units, leaving you with gorgeous, not so gorgeous, and insomniac looking little YAGAMI children. Please visit our website for more information.

Thank you for purchasing this product.

Have a nice day :)

* * *

**It's here, guys! Thanks to those of you who read and reviewed the one for L…and if you didn't do it now! After you review this one, of course. And thanks to the ones who submitted FAQ and Troubleshooting questions. If you read, I gave you credit! I'm not sure if this one has the same feeling as L's—it was way longer—since I don't like Raito very much… **

**Next up are Mello and Near. I'm planning to post both stories on the same day; it'll be like a popularity contest (I'm betting on Mello…hehe). Sooo, it might take a tad longer. In the meantime, supply me with those wonderful FAQ and Troubleshooting questions of yours (preferably funny). You will get credit if you do!**

**Thanks for reading; Please review!**

**-TAXI**


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